Positive Vibes

Hey guys! You might have noticed that I’ve been a little MIA lately, which is mostly because my thesis proposal took over life. But! I’m almost done with it and I’m emerging with a lot of thoughts that I’m excited to share with you all!

At my cousin's wedding with S!

First of them being: I got a haircut! It’s a really fun change and also a really easy style. I usually just shower in the morning and let my hair air dry, and it’s fun to see how it air dries in different shapes every day. I would highly recommend this cut for busy people!

Ok, so I might be taking a lot of selfies lately! I'm just really into the hair! At Macy's Cafe in Flagstaff, AZ.

Second of my thoughts being: negative energy! I notice that there’s a lot of it, both in grad school land and in life in general. As a young woman in a traditionally male-dominated field, I know there’s a lot of resource and confidence barriers that pop up for women and people of color in particular, and that’s why it’s important to always maintain a positive outlook regardless of how high the odds are stacked.

But despite that, I also know that there are a lot of obstacles that people will put in your way, no matter if those obstacles are intentional or accidental. It could take the form of a friend who asks for a lot but gives very little. It could also be a family member who doubts whether you are qualified to be successful in your field, or it could take the form of a competitive coworker or a colleague.

No matter where you are in life, it’s almost inevitable to encounter negative energy from the people around you. And, no matter how strong and confident you are, it’s easy to let that negativity seep in. You might tell yourself, maybe I am being selfish by focusing so much on my career; maybe I don’t have what it takes; maybe I should stand to the side and make sure my coworker gets that promotion before me.

When those thoughts start to pop up, that’s when you know it’s really important to take care of yourself and surround yourself with positive vibes. For me, I find that positivity from my friends and family who want to see me succeed and truly wish for my happiness. Sometimes, it’s tricky to know how to find that positive energy, because, of course, human relationships are a lot more complicated than being definitively good and bad. But, if you generally enjoy spending time with someone, or if you feel recharged and relaxed around that person, or if you miss that person when they’re not around, then there’s a high likelihood that being around that person will increase those positive vibes that you need during those difficult moments in life.

How about the negative people in your life? Simply put, for me, I’m finding that distancing myself from those needy, exhausting, or negative people is really helpful. In life, there’s always a choice. Let go of those feelings of obligation to someone even if they’re family or a long-term friend. If they’re distracting or dragging you down, you don’t have to cut them out of your life entirely, but you can spend a little less time with them in order to spend a little more time on yourself. It doesn't mean you love them any less; it means that the best thing for your relationship with them is a little bit of wiggle room. 

Maybe there are people in your life that you would happily live without seeing at all. They critique, judge, require a lot of attention, and offer nothing in return. For those people, if you can cut them out of your life, then absolutely, without regret, do it! However, the closer to you emotionally, or the more ensconced into your life, the harder it is to cut a person out. For example, you can't completely ignore someone who lives or works with you. When you can’t entirely disengage, change your perspective on their role and presence in your life. Again, in life, there’s always a decision. You can choose to not actively engage in their criticism, or, in Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s words, you can be “a little bit deaf.” Let those comments pass. Choose to disengage and focus your energy on what matters most to you. If you decide to talk to that person, you don’t have to talk to them, you give them permission to take a bit of your precious time.

I have a lot of other thoughts to share, but I'll save them for later posts!